Category Archives: humour

Gogga Maak vir Baba Bang!

spider

Ag, nee wat! Die virus is ‘n vulletjie en niks om voor bang te wees nie.

Die virus-gogga kon véél erger gewees het. dink net – die virus sal nie:

  1. Aan jou pensioenfonds raak nie.
  2. Jou huis/plaas/besigheid sonder kompensasie vervreem nie.
  3. Jou mediese fonds nasionaliseer nie.
  4. ‘n Spanner in Koeberg se binnegoed vergeet nie.
  5. Besigheid doen met die Guptas nie.
  6. Konsultante aanstel nie.
  7. Kernkragsentrales by die Russe bestel nie.
  8. Die taxi’s laat baasspeel nie.
  9. Kospakkies van die armes steel nie.
  10. Die Resewebank nasionaliseer nie.
  11. Nóg biljoene(!!) vir SAA gee nie.

En ook:

  • Die virus sal oor ‘n kwessie van maande uitgewoed wees en nie met ons wees todat “Jesus terugkom” nie.
  • Die hele wereld werk aan ‘n teenmiddel.
  • Jy kan jouself teen die virus beskerm (maskers, handewas, isolasie).
  • Sonlig maak die virus dood.
  • Jik help (maar moenie dit drink nie).
  • Drink ‘n glasie wyn. (Dit doen niks aan die virus nie maar dit laat jou beter voel – veral gesien 1, 2 en 3 hierbo.)

So, ja. Ontspan nou en trek die prop uit.

Beantwoord hierdie vraag om ‘n virtuele bottel wyn te wen:

Wat is erger as die Corona Virus? (Wenk: ‘n drie-letter akroniem).

 

9 Comments

Filed under humor, humour, politics, politiek, satire

The Social Distancing Hat

hatNo more hugging and kissing!

Better than a mask!

This hat works in two ways to protect you against the virus:

  1. People can’t get near you, and
  2. People don’t want to get near you.

So, order yours NOW – before stock runs out!

Everybody is scrambling to get one right NOW.

HURRY!

5 Comments

Filed under humor, humour, satire, Uncategorized

Prysvraag

Vuurklip is maar stillerig so met die lockdown saam maar een van ons geagte ministers het hom laat wakker skrik en hom herinner aan die onderstaande staatsdepartement.

Die vraag aan jou is:
Watter minister laat jou dink aan the Ministry of Silly Walks?
Hint: Hy het te doen met t-shirts en cropped pants.
Prys: Die eerste korrekte antwoord kry ‘n virtuele bottel wyn.
(ongelukkig word regte bottels wyn uitgevoer)

Terloops: Jy kan stewels koop maar nie veters nie, ‘n selfoon maar nie ‘n simkaart nie, crocs maar nie flip-flops nie.

PS:
Jy moet jou Silly Walks beperk tot die ure tussen 06h00 en 09h00!!

9 Comments

Filed under humor, humour, politics, politiek, satire

Uit die blou …

Hier naby ons in Simonstad is die ou Stempastorie – dis waar in 1921 die Stem van Suid-Afrika deur Ds M.L. De Villiers gekomponeer is. Die toonsetting is op die woorde van C.J. Langenhoven.

Dit gaan hier nie oor die Stem as sodanig nie, maar oor die pastorie in sy huidige toestand van verval.

Ek voel nie sterk hieroor nie, maar ek vind in die vervalle toestand van die pastorie en die huidige besetter (lekker woord hier, nè?) nl. Fleet Command: Quality Assurance Division” ‘n wondelike ironie.  An irony of ironies!

En wat sê dit van ons vloot se skepe as dit is hoe die Quality Assurance Division sy basis onderhou – of nie onderhou nie?

sp1

sp2

sp3

sp4

sp5

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under History, humor, humour, nostalgia, nostalgie, politics, politiek, satire

A Godsend!?

covidThe Virus a godsend?

Yes – to a variety of individuals and/or groups who can’t let a crisis go to waste. They use any crisis to push some agenda which has nothing to do with the crisis at hand.

Some examples. You could probably add some more.

  • The religious:
    God is punishing us for our sins – most likely for being gay – but any sin will do.
  • Environmentalists:
    Mother Earth is striking back!
  • Global Warmists:
    This is how you should live (under lockdown) but we (the annointed) will fly around the world to exotic locations to tell/instruct you how to live and what not to eat.
  • News Agencies:
    A wonderful opportunity to accuse other news agencies of spreading fake news.
  • Politicians:
    – Accusing opponents of doing too little too late or too much too soon.
    – Sneaking in unrelated issues by hitching them to the crisis bandwagon.
    – Hide more corruption.
    – Exert more control over us.
    – Curry more favour by giving emergency handouts.
  • Finally people like vuurklip:
    No more handshaking/hugging and, God forbid, kissing virtual strangers.

26 Comments

Filed under aardverwarming, climate change, corruption, global warming, humor, humour, katastrofes, klimaatverandering, politics, politiek, religion, satire

The very best cure-all!

Below you see an alcohol based mouthwash.

Use liberally to protect against all viruses and bacteria.

Also great way to treat depression and insomnia.

What’s not to like?

mouthwash

4 Comments

Filed under corona cure, humor, humour

Ek dink nie so nie …

My flash drive het sopas die gees gegee.

Maar ek dink nie dat hierdie ‘n aanvaarbare vervanging is nie.

Maar as jy dapper genoeg is, kan jy dit by Loot bestel.

strontium

17 Comments

Filed under humor, humour, satire

New Dawn?

Just kidding! kidding

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Funny Peculiar

ococ-2.jpg

Oyster Catcher. Catcher? Do oysters run away? So why is this an oyster catcher?

Would you call someone who harvests cucumbers a Cucumber Catcher?

Note this particular bird has a club foot, the left foot. The bird is one of a pair nesting for at least the last 5 years in the same small area. During this time they have produced between one and three eggs per season but sadly only one has reached fledgling status – which is when I lost sight of it. In the photo, the chick is almost there.

In the second photo you see the other parent.

The birds take turns to incubate the eggs so I can’t tell which is the male or female.

This pair is one of four breeding pairs along a four Km stretch of the local railway line.

 

10 Comments

Filed under humor, humour

Saam in die Lewwetrie!

‘n Mens sien die weirdste goed!

Hierdie een is by die publieke toilette by Vishoekstrand.

schist

Progress together? Does that mean taking the p1ss or just talking sh1t?

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Filed under humor, humour, satire